Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 09/02/20

Close to Me

I don’t like porn
Not morally
I don’t care –
fuck on camera that’s fine with me
But it just doesn’t do it for me
Never has really
So I don’t watch porn much
But if I did
And I was to be in one
Not like IN it per say
But as a director

(Which – sidebar – first of all is a horrible idea How can you direct something you
(1) don’t know anything about
(2) don’t even like

If I were to direct
I’d want the song “Close to Me” by The Cure to be playing in the background
It’s the seventh track off “The Head on the Door”
And it’s simply a really tender song
In my opinion
And I think it would make a heartfelt pornography
It’s also a little dorky with the synth in the beginning
And I think sex is inherently dorky looking
Flopping around and poking stuff
You know?

(And – sidebar – yes sex is dorky flopping and poking
I’ve said this before and some knob always has to chime in with
“ha bud, I think ya doin sex wrong”
No, no I’m not
You knob
In it’s most basic form sex is literally flopping and poking – gay//straight//???
It’s true so fuck off

So yeah
I think that would be a real great porn
I might even watch it
Honestly The Cure has a lot to offer the porn community
For example:
“Boys Don’t Cry” could be used for some kind of aggressive gay porn or a female dominatrix
type deal
“Friday I’m in Love” easily could be turned into a porny parody
“Friday I’m in Love, Saturday We Funkin”
“Head in the Door” obviously a glory hole reference
“Pictures of You” masterbation duh
And “Just like Heaven” seems pretty self explanatory
I think these would all make great pornograpy and would bring about some intriguing art
Not to mention the merging two prime communities
Right now all they have in common is leather
But yeah I guess I’ll just say and print this
until someone more equipped in porny things hears me and makes it happen
I’m an advocate
Are you out there?
Cure porn!
Cure porn!
Cure porn!

©2020 J. Hol All rights reserved.

J. Hol is a shoestring traveling writer and artist from Providence, Rhode Island. His work primarily focuses on modern transient lifestyle, struggles with mental illness, and the humor of mundane directionless depravity.

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