Cajun Mutt Press Featured Writer 01/08/21


Once, I loved a woman pretty as a rock.
Like most men, I returned time and time again.

Didn’t return when she said, No. Like most men.
We fucked like wild mules on her unmade bed.

She unmade me, made me wild on her bed.
Most men respected her less than their shoe mud.

One night she and I smeared mud on our bodies.
We fucked until the mud blessed us, cleansed our souls.

The mud fucked us, cleansed us, blessed our souls at dawn.
We shined like the rising sun and shined with lust.

Lust shined on us until the rising sun left.
No more, she said and I said, No more.

No more, we both said. In unison.
Once, a woman pretty as a rock loved me.


I can brag better than ten bullshitters.
Hell, I got balls, so I have bragging rights.

Both of my balls rightly love my bragging.
When I turned thirty, I almost killed myself.

Fuck, man, I drank fifty shots that sick day.
I’ve bedded ten thousand women in my life.

Each woman called me a bragging fool for life.
One said, Your dick is so small you feel that need.

I’m a man, I need a dick so I can brag.
I’ve never met women who brag like men.

Bragging women I have met brag quietly.
I wonder why women brag—they have no balls.

They don’t need to brag, since they don’t have dicks.
I have a dick—I brag like ten bullshitters.


Come one, Come all, you stupid motherfuckers!
The carnival barker barked to his clown crowd.

The clown crowd barked back, Kill us all, Kill us all!
Buy your tickets here for your brainless buffet!

And the brainless bought their buffet tickets.
Ate their invective steaks, word salads, cracked corn.

Stake your lives on my cracked corn, eat my words, fools!
And the crowd cheered, We love you, Monkey Man!

The barker barked back, We’re all Monkey Men!
We’re thirsty, one man yelled. Take us to the Pepsi!

Oh, the Pepsi! the barker yelled. Let’s drink now!
Follow me, he barked, follow me to the cliffs.

And the crowd cheered and followed him to the cliffs.
Now let’s all die, you stupid motherfuckers!

©2021 David Spicer All rights reserved.

David Spicer has published over seven hundred poems. Nominated for a Best of the Net three times and a Pushcart twice, he is author of six chapbooks and four full-length collections, the latest two American Maniac (Hekate) and Confessional ( His fifth, Mad Sestina King, is forthcoming from FutureCycle Press.

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