The Church of Transient Anuses
I met a guy in the park
who claimed to have a transient anus.
I said what’s that?
He said I can form an anus
on any part of my body,
wherever I choose, whenever I want.
In fact, I can form multiple anuses at once.
So, to be clear, I said,
you don’t just have one transient anus.
You have the potential for many
transient anuses, depending upon
your needs and desires.
Correct, he said.
Bullshit, I said.
I’ll show you, he said.
He rolled up his sleeve,
and an anus appeared on his arm.
He made a fist, stretched out his arm,
and fertilized the flowers along the path.
Oh, my god, I said.
That’s nothing, he said.
He bowed forward.
A huge anus appeared on his forehead
and took a gigantic dump on my shoe.
Words failed me.
He offered me a bag from a device on his belt
to place the shit in, and a wet-wipe for my shoe.
He wiped his forehead and told me a story.
The earth, he began, has an infinite capacity
to produce transient anuses.
With these anuses, she spreads food and wisdom
to all her creatures.
Wisdom, I said. How do anuses spread wisdom?
Join me, and I’ll show you, he said.
Who are you? I said.
I, good sir, am a priest of the Church of Transient Anuses.
The Earth speaks to her children through the flatulence
and defecation of ministers such as myself
and you, should you choose to join me.
He held out a brochure. I declined, as politely as I could.
As I walked away, the man called out to me,
Have a shitty day, my friend! I considered, a moment,
before responding appropriately:
Same to you, you walking asshole!
©2021 Damian Ward Hey All rights reserved.
Damian Ward Hey has had poetry published in several places, including Poetry Pacific, Truck, and Cricket Online Review. More recently, his work has appeared in Madness Muse Press, and will appear in the upcoming anthology, Poets with Masks On. He lives on Long Island and is a professor of literature and theory at Molloy College.